Senior
Slant...
By Hilda Maston
"You have reached Giant Bank, please hit
button 'one' if you wish to speak Spanish."
Now, why in the world would I want to
speak Spanish? This is America, isn’t it?
The voice continues: “Please enter your
account number, your birth date, the color of your
firstborn’s hair, and the extension number you need, if
you know it.”
“I don’t know the
extension number. I want to speak to Mr. Smith.”
But I don’t get Mr. Smith. I get the
mechanical man again, asking for the extension number.
"Please wait for a representative who will be with you
as soon as your turn comes up.”
I wait, listening to music that I
wouldn’t allow to profane my radio. Then I wait some
more.
Finally a human voice comes on.
"Extension 360, Mr.. Smith Speaking.”
“Mr. Smith, I want to transfer some funds
from account 'A' to account 'B.' Can you help me with
that?”
“Yes, I believe I can. Give me your
account numbers, your birth date, and the last six
numbers of your Social Security number.”
I comply, rubbing my aching head and
starting to fume just a little.
Mr. Smith comes on again, and in his
polite little voice, tells me that I have reached the
wrong person. It turns out he no longer handles fund
transfers on these kinds of accounts. Would I like to
try extension 370?
Here I go AGAIN. I punched 370 and
finally reached a young lady who answered, “Please hold,
your call is important to us. WE APPRECIATE YOUR
BUSINESS AND WILL BE WITH YOU AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.”
I wait. The computer voice finally came
on: "There will be a representative with you in (there
was a pause) exactly four and a half minutes.”
That did it! I replaced the receiver (not
too gently,) grabbed my checkbook, and took off to the
bank to speak to a REAL LIVE PERSON.
